I just saw a hot homeless man
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
