My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
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