Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
