last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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