I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
