it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
