There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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