peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
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