i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
