First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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