Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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