I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
