Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
