woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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