Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
