We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
