God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Randomize
