All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
