i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
