she was so not down for the gang bang
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
