peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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