I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
