I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
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