hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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