I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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