At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
