Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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