When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
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