Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
