States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
They are going to name an STD after you.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
