Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.