There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
