oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
