My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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