I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize