Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
