did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
So here I am, sexting at work.