so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
