party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
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I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
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Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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