The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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