a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
