There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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