We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
