I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
