Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
