I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
