Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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