He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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