Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
