That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
