He passed out mid-signature
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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