Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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