So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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