i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
