his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
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I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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