I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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