i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
tell me about the fingering
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