I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Randomize
